Fighting for the Bittersweet
by JorJorLaforge
Summary: Draco giving in to his desires, Hermione listening to her heart for once. M for later chapters, it's my first fic, so be gentle
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I already have the next few chapters written. This is my first fanfic, so please let me know if it sucks It's Dramione**

Chapter One

His blue eyes were blazing in the moonlight, flecks of silver sparking as the waves of anger washed over his body. His jaw was tight and his muscles rippled under his white button up shirt. Draco tugged on his tie to pull it loose from his neck, allowing some room to breathe. He couldn't do anything. Nothing. She wasn't his, never had been, except once, but she never would be again. What right did he have to be so angry? He hadn't even known he was angry until he saw her hurting, and it broke the heart he didn't know he had. Turning his eyes away from her, he just walked back to his dorm, silent, ignoring her screaming his name at his back. This was not his problem…

Back in the head dorms, he sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands. He could still hear her screaming his name, almost as passionately as when it had passed through her lips that night….. His heart ached to think about it. If only he had been aware then of what she truly meant. Of how badly he would want her again, just to hold, not to use. He remembered the soft skin of her lips on his, the warmth that spread through him when she was wrapped around him. It was a feeling that terrified him enough to push her away from him as far as he could. He knew he didn't deserve her, she was good, all that is good and beautiful. He had darkness in his blond hair and blue eyes, a spark of evil that he had allowed to corrupt himself. He looked at his reflection and self-hatred blurred his vision. Even though the dark lord had been defeated, he couldn't forgive himself. He had hurt so many, tried so hard not to, but he had been so weak.

Why wouldn't she leave him alone? He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, hearing her calling to him from the common room. He wanted her to forget him, to understand that she was just too damn good for anyone in this bloody school. He shouldn't have been surprised when she appeared next to his bed, slapping and pushing him until he got up. She'd managed her way around his spells, of course she had, he figured, it was her.

He rolled out of his bed on the opposite side that she was standing, and turned to face her. At first he didn't speak, just let his eyes question her, imploring her to say the words he desperately needed to hear, but also feared the most.

"What in the hell are you doing Draco?" Her words were icy as she spat them through her teeth, and they managed to sting him.

He attempted to regain his nonchalant manner that he used to use with her, trying to swallow the lump in his throat that hurt like all the emotions raging inside his chest. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Bullshit!"

"I really don't," he turned his back on her and walked to his window, staring out at nothing, his eyes unfocused as he tried to master his faculties. Draco was desperately trying to act as though he never thought twice about her. "You're not my problem Granger…."

"Fuck you, you lying bastard," he could hear the tears in her voice but wouldn't turn to face her.

"Did you forget, mudblood, but you already did," the cruelness in his words surprised him, but it gave him more confidence. He could feel the ice creeping back around his heart, and he could feel her growing more distant by the second, if only by inches.

"No, I didn't…. I made love to you… 'Malfoy.'" At this, the ice melted and all his resolve shattered. His face twisted as he tried to hold back the tears burning behind his eyes. He didn't move, and he didn't make a sound, just waved his hand in dismissal, hoping she couldn't sense the torment going on within him.

"You're a goddamn rat bastard Draco, and you know it. But fuck the cliché's…. screw the something special, you're just like every other asshole that calls himself a teenage boy….." she paused and he could hear her inhale, he knew exactly what she was thinking. She hated to sound so tasteless, and she was scrambling for a way to save her dignity. He knew she wouldn't beg him, so he just waited for her to leave. After a few minutes he heard her footsteps towards the door, but before she left she said, "No one blames you, Draco, except you."

Once he was sure she was gone, he brought his hand to his face and wiped away the tears that were journeying down his cheek. He lay back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling some more. He wished for the layer of ice back around his heart. He wanted her to call him a ferret again, and to look at him like he was less than a speck of dirt. He knew that if he had turned to look at her, he would have seen the compassion and the goddamned pity in her beautiful amber eyes, and he would have broken down.

The next thing Draco knew, he was waking up. He must have fallen asleep concentrating on not thinking about her. He ran his fingers over the silk bedsheets, and couldn't help but be reminded of her soft skin, the way her collar bone felt against his lips, the way she moved under him.

Thinking about her like that made him hurt worse than when he thought about her with him. He'd rather have her be with the weasel, who didn't know what he was doing, didn't know how to take care of a woman. He knew that if he were to have her again, it would ruin the both of them.

He could hear her stomping up the stairs, so he got up and tried to get dressed before she got there. He was too late though, and she walked in on him just as he was pulling off his shirt. They stared at each other awkwardly, and he watched her eyes undressing the rest of him. He reached for a shirt and pulled the sleeves over his arms. The crisp white fabric rested softly on his shoulders and he fought with the buttons as she moved her eyes back up to his face.

"I was just making sure you were up… we have to go to breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

"You can't avoid me forever."

"No, but I can sure try can't I?" he pulled his tie over his neck and tightened it, laying his collar down flat. Normally he combed his hair, but today, he realized, he just didn't give a shit. He grabbed his jacket and walked past her, brushing against her shoulder. He paused for the smallest second before continuing down the staircase. He was gone by the time she made it to the common room.


	2. Chapter 2

Out in the hallway, Draco kept walking, even though he wasn't quite sure where he was going. He ended up walking by the Room of Requirement, and it opened up for him. He went inside, curious of what he would find. Inside was a square room, quiet, with only an easel and a canvas in the center. He pulled open the drawer of the easel and found several paints and paintbrushes.

Unsure of why the old castle had thought he needed some arts and crafts, he was hesitant to try it at first, but once he started mixing paint on the palette, then running his brush across the canvas, he lost track of time. He lost track of his emotions, and they all seemed to flow from his heart, down his arm, through his fingers, and out of his fingers onto the roughly gessoed surface.

After an endless amount of expression, Draco wasn't sure how much time had passed. All he knew was that there was paint on his clothes and all over his face, and on the canvas was the girl he loved. Hermione's face stared back at him through shades of blue, green, and purple. Her eyes made the paint blaze and he had to take a step back. He never knew he was an artist.

Looking at his watch, he saw that he had missed all of his classes, and was almost about to be late for curfew. He grabbed his jacket that he had tossed aside at some point, and left the Room. He didn't bring the painting with him, he trusted the castle to hide it. He trusted this castle with everything.

Draco had hoped to sneak up to his room without seeing or being seen by Hermione, but as he said the password, and the portrait swung open, she was standing in the middle of the common room, staring at him, daring him to try to run away. He didn't, instead he stepped into the common room and avoided her stare.

"What's all over your face? Where have you been? I've been worried sick about you _all day_."

At the sincerity of her voice, Draco gave up trying to be cold to her. "It's paint. I was in the Room of Requirement. Don't worry, I'm fine," he shot her a glance to make sure she believed him, and also to take in her features. He was learning that he couldn't resist wanting her, he just knew that he couldn't act on it.

"Draco, do you hate me?" This question surprised him, and his head snapped up and he looked at her with confusion etched all over his face. She was always so confident, so sure of herself, why would she wonder?

"What do you mean, of course not!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE IT!" Her hands flew out from her pockets and into the air, the question requiring more movement than that of her lips. Her hair fell from behind her ear to in front of her shoulder, and she inhaled sharply, the air catching in her throat. He could tell she hadn't meant to yell. After he didn't say anything, she continued, "I mean, when you hate someone, you never want to be around them, you want them to feel worthless, you tear down their self-confidence, you-"

"Stop!" Draco exclaimed, "just stop. Yes, you do those things when you hate someone, but, when… when you love someone," here he paused to make sure she understood, "when you're in love with someone, you do what you think is going to be best for them. And…. When you love someone, and you know that you are the worst possible thing for them, you make sure they stay away." He raised his eyebrows at her, begging for understanding, "You push them away with cruel lies that break your heart to say, that shatter your resolve as they sneak past your lips, and you're forced to watch the person you love ache because of the things you've said. But you know it's worth something. It's worth them having something better, better than yourself…." Draco stopped and looked away from her, the tears welling up in her eyes were breaking his heart all over again. "That's what you do when you _love _someone… you hurt them."

He tossed his jacket onto the couch and turned to stare at the fire. All of a sudden, a thought popped into his head, and he turned around to tell her, but she was gone. The portrait door was just swinging closed and he could hear her footsteps sprinting away. He knew there was no use in chasing her, and he had hoped that she had listened, that she would leave him alone. He wanted to not care anymore.

Staring back at the fire, he sunk onto the couch and managed to fall asleep. When he woke up, he heard the clock chiming midnight. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, letting his focus on his surroundings. He was still in the common room, but Hermione had come back. She was sitting next to him, facing away, but obviously crying.

"God, you know," he said, "I'm such an ass. And I'm sorry, but you have to understand, don't you? I'm no good, Hermione."

"God, you _are_ an ass!" She threw her hands up again, then slapped them down on the couch, "you simply have no idea!" She fixed her gaze on him and ignored the tears that rained down her cheeks. "Just the fact that you are aware of the danger you could pose, makes you brilliant! You are so irresistible. I know you believe that I should be with Ron, or even Harry, but no! No, because they are just my friends. They're my brothers. They don't mean to me, what you mean to me. You think I don't understand your thoughts? I do, and…. And honestly it's the sweetest thing ever… Draco, I wish you knew how blinded by self-loathing you are." She placed her hand on his, and he squirmed. He didn't want to hurt her, and he thought that by letting her get close, he would inevitably ruin her heart.

"Hermione, I don't trust myself with you." He pulled his hand away and stood up. "Even once, I think was too much for me."

"It was perfect," she whispered, then louder, "how do you know if it's too much if you haven't tried again?"

He shook his head, "don't, don't say that. Hermione, no." He clenched his fists then released them. Every atom in his body wanted to take her, to ravage and explore her. He knew she would let him, but he couldn't. He just couldn't…. It's not like she was innocent, he had already stolen that from her. At this thought, he hated himself even more, so he turned to her to tell her.

"No, Hermione, I've taken something from you already, and I just-"

"Shut up Draco. You didn't take anything, I didn't lose anything. I gave it to you."

"Because…. Because….." He faltered to find an excuse to rebut her statement, but his mind wouldn't make coherent thoughts.

"Please," she begged, "it was perfect. Can't I have perfection again?" She stood up walked closer to him. He stood perfectly still with every step she took towards him. Soon she was right in front of him, her hand on his chest. When she went to remove his tie, he tried to take a step back, but she pulled him back closer to her.

"Hermione…."

"Yes Draco," she loosened his tie and slid it over his head, messying up his hair in the process. She placed her finger under his chin and pulled his face to hers. His blue eyes blazed with the desire, and she could see his restraint slipping. She moved closer until her lips were against his. They were softer than she remembered, and she closed her lips around his top lip, massaging them slowly. She parted her lips and went to lick his bottom lip, but he pulled away.

His hands grasped her elbows softly and pushed her back about a foot. "I'm sorry," he said, "but not tonight…. Not right now. I just, need to think." Then he went up to his room, leaving her holding his green striped tie.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

**A/N: This is the chapter rated M. It gets more graphic towards the end, so I'll put a star before it starts, in case that's not your thing, so you can just scroll past the "yicky parts." Also, when you reach the end, IT'S NOT OVER! Unless you want it to be. I plan on writing more if the reviews are good enough. I have plenty of plans for more angst and fighting and changing of minds Lemme know your thoughts? Thanks for all the good reviews so far. Okay, now read:**

The next morning, Draco waited until he heard Hermione leave, then he snuck to the Room of Requirement. It was how he left it yesterday, his painting still there, except now, there were canvases of different sizes littered all around the edges of the room. He spent his time the same as the day before, painting without thinking. Again, it was a painting of Hermione, and again, he worked until right before curfew. Today, however, he was able to let his mind run free, he was able to think clearly about why he really was denying his feelings. And the truth was, he still believed he was dangerous, and he hated knowing that he could hurt her, but he wanted to try…. He couldn't stop thinking about how badly he wanted her. He could still feel her lips on his from the night before, saving the taste she left on his bottom lip. He didn't know how much longer he could control himself, so he decided to just let things go, to see what would happen.

He let his paintbrush fall to his side, rolling it gently between his fingers, staring at Hermione. He could recall every detail of her face, the curve of her eyelashes and every tiny groove of her lips. She was beautiful, even when she was just paint on a canvas. He dropped the brush and left the room, making his way back to the Head Dorm.

When he entered the common room, she wasn't there, so he checked in her room, and she wasn't there either, so he checked his room just in case, and there was no sign of her up there, either. He resolved to wait for her in the common room, but again found himself falling asleep.

An hour later she came through the door and he awoke at the sound of her voice. He sat up and looked at her, wondering why she was late, but not really caring, as he was watching the way her body moved, and marveling at the strength he had displayed in denying himself for so long.

"Hermione…" he called out to her. She jumped, startled that he was there.

"Draco," she smiled, then the smile fell from her face, remembering the things he had said.

"Listen, I've been thinking, and you're right, I'm an ass," he laughed, hoping that she would come over to him, but she didn't.

She just stood by the stairs to her room, looking at him confused. "Uhm, I'll be right down okay, we should talk, right?"

Draco just nodded and watched her as she climbed the stairs, her perfect hips swinging back and forth with each step that she took. He smiled, waiting for her to come back. He fell asleep again before she did, and when he woke up, she was gently shaking his shoulder, looking at him apprehensively.

"Draco?" she said, "Draco, wake up, you wanted to talk?"

He took one look at her and pulled her close to kiss her. He breathed in the scent of her hair when their lips parted, and he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. "I am so sorry," he said.

Without warning she smacked him across the face. His cheek was burning and he looked at her totally taken aback. "What the FUCK!"

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, you are simply terrible!" Hermione exclaimed, breathing hard from the combined effort of the kiss, and of smacking him.

"What? Why?"

"I spent all day telling myself that there was nothing going to happen between the two of us, and now here you go being….. being perfect!" She threw her hands up again and sat down next to him on the couch.

"I'm…sorry? But I thought this is what you wanted? Look, I'm sorry it took me so damn long to figure this out, but the truth is, I've just been scared. Scared of what I did, and of what I thought I would do to you. But I can't help myself anymore Hermione. I still don't know if I can fully trust myself around you, but I want to try, I don't want to live every day thinking about what could be different. I need to know if we should be. I love you. And I could never, ever," he paused to take her face in his hands, "hate you."

*****With this he leaned in to kiss her again, softly pressing his lips against hers, letting the kiss linger and tingle her senses. He continued to kiss her softly, gently, using only his lips 'til he could feel an ache run through his body. He moved his body over hers, slowly pushing her back down on the couch. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip, slowly snaking into her mouth, running his tongue along her gums, playing with her tongue. He moved his hand down from the side of her face to unbutton her shirt, still kissing her.

She tasted better than he remembered, and he felt a shiver run through her body as he managed to slide her shirt off. Her breasts were hidden under a black, lace brassiere, and he ran his hands over them softly, kneading them gently. He moved his kisses from her lips to run his tongue along her neck and jaw. He placed soft kisses on her collar bone, reaching around to unhook her bra. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back up for another kiss on the lips. She rested her forehead against his and said, "let's move this to my bedroom, this couch isn't comfortable."

In one move, he stood up and carried her with him, his strong muscles supporting her weight, and carrying her swiftly up the stairs. He laid her down on the bed, but she sat up on her knees, unbuttoning his shirt, admiring the smooth creamy skin underneath. She ran her hands across his chest, admiring how soft he was, considering how callous he'd been towards her lately. She slid his shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. She then pulled him closer, until they were skin to skin, and he was kissing her again. She could no longer detect the apprehension of the night before. She knew he wanted her, and she was willing to give him everything.

As nervous as he was, his hands never faltered. They moved slowly down from her face to her shoulders to her soft breasts. His kisses slowed as he focused on kneading her supple chest. Her face moved next to his, her cheek against his cheek and he could feel her breath coming in shorter bursts against his neck. She closed her lips on the nape of his neck, spreading soft kisses where she could reach, moving to kiss his shoulder, but stopping with a gasp as she felt his hands move away from her chest. Before she could object, his hands were on her hips, pulling her as close as possible.

There was a fire burning inside him, aching for her, and he wanted this to last as long as possible. He rested his chin on her shoulder, closing his eyes and drinking in her scent. Her skin was so warm against his cold hands as he unbuttoned her jeans and tugged them down, her panties with them. She was there in front of him, naked, and more beautiful than he had ever seen her. He rubbed his hands along the outside of her thighs, aching to take her, but waiting, drawing it out as far as possible. He placed a very gentle kiss on her lips, then one on each collar bone. He kissed a trail down her chest, counting off her ribs as he passed them. This was his apology for how awfully he had treated her, and he had to know that she knew he meant it. He was kissing her belly button now, and he pushed her slowly back onto the bed until she was laying on her back, her legs hanging over the edge.

He lay over her, holding himself up on his elbows, staring into her eyes, his fingers lingering between her thighs, gently stroking and rubbing, making his way inside her. With one finger he massaged the nerves that sent shivers all throughout her body, and with another finger, he slipped in to her. The feeling of her tightening around his finger made the bulge in his pants grow harder, and it grew even more when she reached down to wrap her hands around it. She unbuttoned his jeans and managed to push them past his hips, down his thighs, past his knees and off of his body completely.

He was so close to her, only a breath away from diving inside of her body, of joining her and becoming whole again. Wholy himself as he had only ever been once before in his life. He needed her, and the ache he felt was unbearable. He moved his hand out of the way, and ever so slowly, inched himself between her lips. He watched as her back arched in pleasure, begging him further in, deeper. Her mouth hung slightly open, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she fought for breath.

This was the best Hermione had ever felt. She ran her hands down his back, pushing against the base of his spine, forcing him to completely enter her. He was as far as he could go, and they could each feel it as he pressed against her back wall. Her nails dug into his skin and every inch of their bodies were pressed against each other.

Draco slowly started to pull away, then forcefully thrust into her again, every thrust eliciting a small moan of ecstasy from between Hermione's lips. His blonde hair fell messy over his eyes, and her brown waves were sprawled out on the bed around her head, forming a halo. It was the most gorgeous sight he'd ever seen, her eyes closed and her breasts bounced every time he thrust into her. Her hands were on his shoulders and as she bit her lip, his muscles rippled under his skin. He was the sexiest man she had ever seen, and she begged him to go faster.

He couldn't help but obey her command, increasing his speed, loving the feel of her wet heat sliding around him. A low growl escaped his vocal chords and he went even faster. He caught his breath every time he felt her tighten around him, squeezing every ounce of pleasure out of him as she could.

He looked down at her and saw the sweat that was beading her skin. Bending down closer, he placed a loving kiss on her lips. She could have cried from the sweetness of it. It was then that she knew he was making love to her, not just having sex. This frightened her until she realized she was doing exactly the same.

"I love you," he whispered, his mouth so close that she could feel the words on her own lips. She trembled with pleasure as these words sent her over the edge of the climax he had been pushing her towards with each thrust. Her body seized against his, her legs wrapping around his waist, her hips bucking up against his, wanting him even further than he was. Her nails dug trails down his back, and he just kept rhythm with her.

Once it was over, she let go of him and looked back into his eyes, loving the softness with which he continued to make love to her, never averting his gaze from hers. She leaned up to kiss him and whispered back, "I love you, too."

His hips kept rhythm with their heartbeats, and before she knew it, she was about to fly over the edge again, but just before she could, he stopped. Opening her eyes, she looked at him questioningly, but soon recognized the look in his eyes, the unspoken question written across his face. She pushed on his shoulders until he was on his back, his head on the pillows, and she sat above him, one leg on each side of him, hovering just above his tip. She lowered herself onto him, sliding onto him and feeling him grow rock solid inside of her. His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned in ecstasy. She lifted herself up again and slammed herself down on top of him, crashing their hips together. He made a small noise as she tightened around him and rode him to the brink of his orgasm.

He flipped her over again and slowed his thrusts, watching her face. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were parted ever so slightly. He ghosted kisses upon her neck and felt her bucking underneath him. She ran her hands up his arms then down his back, pulling herself closer to him, arching her back off the bed. He felt her heart beating against his and as her breathing increased, so did the speed of his thrusts.

He lost track of time, he only knew her, how she was making him feel, how beautiful she was, and how intense the pleasure was that she was giving him. He heard his own name pass through her lips, softly at first, then louder and louder until she was screaming his name. Her voice was filled with passion that washed over him and sent him spilling over the edge. The fire in his belly exploded into her, filling her with his seed, and this in turn sent her raging into another orgasm. They rode it out together, tightly grasping each other in a tight embrace.*****

Draco's elbows buckled under him and he collapsed on top of her, slowly rolling to the side, her legs still draped around his waist. "Hermione," he whispered "I love you so much…"

She brushed a kiss against his nose and smiled. "I love you too, Draco. Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, pulling his face back a few inches to look at her.

"For taking this chance."

He smiled and kissed her lips, running his hand along her waist and hips, loving the softness of her skin. They soon fell asleep there, so comfortable, and so in love.


End file.
